Conflict management

Conflict management

 

Every one of us is created by Almighty God in a very unique way.  The way by which no one else is created, no one else in this whole wide world has thumb impression that I have, no one else in this whole wide world has DNA that I have.

 

Many years before it was almost impossible to believe but now with the scientific evidence; everyone has no choice but to believe. 

 

Now, it is very easy to believe that not only me but each one of us is unique; thus have a very unique goal to achieve too.  For today note; I will not put light much on the unique goal but rather I will focus on only to the point of my subject matter that is Conflict management.

 

As we learn that each one of us is unique, then we ought to accept that having conflict with someone is the part of our uniquely creation and it is natural.  Let me put it in simpler way so that every one of us understands what I am intending to say is that for example:

 If any wife has conflict with her husband; it is not a big deal; take it as it is natural and as a part of our uniquely creation. 

Take other example of a real son of a biological father having different views from his father; it should also be not taken as so serious as it is also the part of father’s and his son’s uniquely creation by God Almighty.  Or

Younger brother having different interest or likeness then his elder brother should not disturb or astonish us at all.

Now as I have successfully established that having conflicts with so close relationship is natural and normal and it is okay to have different opinions, views and conflicts to say in more strong word.  There is high need and demand of understanding the very subject how to handle these conflicts in order to live a very lively life together and be part of the family and at large a strong member of the strong and healthy society that  we are living in. 

 

So the first thing first, meaning to say:

Understand completely the conflict as it is said in Quran: And pursue not that of which you have no knowledge; for every act of hearing or of seeing or of (feeling in) the heart will be inquired into (on the Day of Reckoning).” [17:36]

“But they have no knowledge therein. They follow nothing but conjecture; and conjecture avails nothing against the truth.” [53:28]

We should not assume that we already know what the nature or content of the conflict is. Let it be stated what it is that we are in conflict about. The Qur’an advises us not to act on what we do not know:

Once what is in conflict is clearly stated – without agreement or disagreement, it is possible to relate it to the conflicting parties’ purposes. This will establish what is at stake and how critical is the disagreement. Some conflict might be resolved just by stating the parameters of conflict clearly, because one party or the other might find that it can live with the situation without trying to change it.

Resolving the conflict: firstly agreeing that a conflict exists without making any judgment.

At this stage, we must detach issues from personalities. One way to do that is, when possible, let each side state the other side’s position as fairly as it can. This enables both to focus on issue, not persons.

Being tolerant and being loved one by learning the difference. Of course, that is the tough part.

Most of the time, we listen not to learn but to respond when our turn comes. Here we must turn to the essence of the Islamic principles of consultation by focusing on the issues. The two parties should move to a higher level by consulting with one another on how to attack the problem between them.  It should be done by both mutual resources of creativity, experience, wisdom, etc. to attack the problem, not one another. However, within the context of avoiding conflict, one must stress the pro-active nature of consultation not just engaging in.

Of course at this stage, we must examine the guidelines of Sharia with respect to the issues at hand. This should also be a mutual effort, to make the Sharia an unbiased arbitrator.  And keep advising one another. This is a stage where compromises begin to take shape. Advising one another, recognizing that the advisor is not always right. Two things are important here.  First: we move to common ground by proposing action that meets the principal needs of the other party while enabling us to reach our goals.

Second: we offer to help carry out whatever is agreed upon. Again, we are talking about a pro-active mode of behavior. It requires a continual monitoring of actions and prompt evaluative response to them.

We know very famous hadith of the Prophet said: Religion is good advice. We said: To whom? He said: To Allah and His Book, and His Messenger, and to the leaders of the Muslims and their common folk.

Both parties should work in minimizing areas of disagreement as no party should become an aggressor because it did not get what it wanted. In most situations, we also do not want the other party to withdraw from us. In most situations, this will be only a short-lived resolution of the conflict, until the other party feels strong enough to challenge the resolution.

 

Living without resolving the conflict as it is said in the holy book Al-Quran.  Both should recognize that conflict is unavoidable; and that it is even desirable to have functional and occasional conflict.  When two people always agree with one another, one of them is redundant. 

 

What God Almighty says further in holy book Al Quran

 

Let there be no compulsion in religion. Truth stands out clear from error; whoever rejects evil and believes in God has grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold that never breaks. And God hears and knows all things." - (The Qur’an, Chapter 2: 256)

 

"Every soul is held in pledge for its deeds." - (The Qur'an, Chapter 74:38)

 

"O you who believe! Fulfill your obligations" (The Qur'an, Chapter, 5:1)

 

"If the debtor is in difficulty, then delay things until matters become easier for him; still, if you were to write it off as an act of charity that would be better for you if you only knew." (The Qur'an, Chapter 2: 280)

 

"O you who believe! Give of the good things which you have (honorably) earned. And of the fruits of the earth which We have produced for you, and do not even aim at getting anything which is bad, in order that out of it you may give away something, when you yourselves would not receive it except with closed eyes. (The Qur'an, Chapter 2: 267)

 

"God commands you [people] to return things entrusted to you to their rightful owners, and if you judge between people, to do so with justice." (The Qur'an, Chapter 4:58)

 

"And spend of your substance in the cause of God. And make not your own hands contribute to your destruction; But do good; for God loves those who do good."(The Qur'an, chapter 2: 195)

 

“O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as its.”

 

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) has narrations:

 

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) has narrated,” No mercy would be shown to him who does not show mercy”.

 

On the Day of Judgment, the Prophet (peace be upon him) will be a witness against “one who employs a laborer and gets the full work done by him, but does not pay him his wages."

 

"He who buys the stolen property, with the knowledge that it was stolen, shares in the sin and shame of stealing“.  

 

"None of you truly believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself ".  

 

"When someone helps the good deeds to be practiced, it is as if he performed those good deeds indeed," 

 

"The blessed of mankind is the one who is the most beneficial for mankind." 

 

"I am to my servant as he expects of Me, I am with him when he remembers Me. If he remembers Me in his heart, I remember him to Myself, and if he remembers Me in assembly, I mention him in an assembly better than his, and if he draws nearer to Me a hand's span, I draw nearer to him an arm's length, and if he draws nearer to Me an arm's length, I draw nearer to him a fathom length, and if he comes to me walking, I rush to him at [great] speed"